February, 1785 - Several children accuse Billy "Dagwood" Woodward of luring them into his home to force them to eat large sandwitches. Woodward is found guilty of gluttony, banished from the village during a particularly harsh winter and presumed dead.

November, 1786 - By midwinter all of Woodward's accusers along with half of the town's children begin feeling stomach pains. Fearing heartburn, the townspeople flee Blair and vow never to eat Billy Woodward's sandwitches again.

November, 1809 - The Blair Sandwitch Recipe Book is published. This rare book, commonly considered fiction, tells of an entire town cursed by an outcast cook.

1824 - Burkittsville is founded on the Blair site.

August, 1825 - Eleven witnesses testify to seeing a man's hand reach up and take ten-year-old Ellen Treabranch's sandwitch near Tapioca East Creek. Her food is never recovered, and for thirteen days after the snatching, the creek is clogged with greasy bunches of sandwitch meat.

March, 1886 - Eight-year-old Robert Cleaver is reported missing and search parties are dispatched. Although Cleaver returns, one of the search parties does not. Their half-eaten lunches are found weeks later at Coughin' Rock tied together at the ham and cheese and completely regurgitated.

November, 1940 to May, 1941 - Starting with Emilio Dutchie, a total of seven children eat kosher sausage from the area surrounding Burkittsville, Maryland.

May 25, 1941 - A hermit named Steven "Ol' Rustin" Carr walks into a local market and tells the people there that he is "finally finished." After Police hike for four hours to his secluded house in the woods, they find the remains of seven sandwitches in his cellar. Each sandwitch has been ritualistically eaten and digested. Carr admits to everything in detail, telling authorities that he was really hungry, and so was "an old man ghost" who occupied the woods near his house. He is quickly convicted and hanged.

October 20, 1994 - Montgomery College students Phillip Donahue, Josh D. Saviano ("Paul" from Wonder Years), and Michelle Williams arrive in Burkittsville to interview locals about the legend of the Blair Sandwitch for a class project. Phillip interviews Marie Brown an old and quite insane misplaced southern woman who claims she has lived in the area all her life (cuckoo!). Marie claims to have seen the Blair Sandwitch one day near Tapioca Creek in the form of an incredibly large, gluttonous lunch.

The students walk across the street to the Josh's uncle's place, and are never spotted again. All that remained was a video tape, crumbs, and evidence of strenuous gluttony.

October 26, 1994 - The Maryland State Police launch their search of the area, an operation that lasts ten minutes and includes a lunch stop at the local "Subway".

The search is called off after 3 man hours fail to find a trace of the filmmakers.

The case is declared inactive and unsolved. The only remaining evidence is the cool film that the students made. It can now be watched at your local theatre for a large sum of money, allowing us to be filthy rich on this cheesy, low budget flick.