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- Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen only one carrion allowed per passenger."
- Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of
Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the
"herd shot 'round the world".
- Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One
went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other
stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted
to much. The second one, naturally, became known
as the lesser of two weevils.
- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but
when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank proving
once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it, too.
- A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the
Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm
looking for the man who shot my paw."
- Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend
dental medication.
- A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a
hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their
recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the
manager came out of the office and asked them to
disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting
in an open foyer."
- A woman has twins, and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is
named "Amahl." The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture
of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Amahl. The husband responds
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Amahl."
- These monks were behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to
raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town
thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good
fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back
and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So,
the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to
close. Hugh beat up the monks and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so,thereby proving
that "Hugh,and only Hugh, can prevent Florist Friars."
- And finally, there was a man who sent ten
different puns to friends, in the hope that at least
one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately,
no pun in ten did.
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© 1999-2008
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