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"I have decided it was clearly time to come out and come clean with the fine citizens of Toronto," Mel Lastman declared in his most historic speech yet, "I am in fact an alien visitor from the small planet N'Hir Kawarzoi 38."

Televisions across the country and around the globe ran the story of the alien mayor with absolute fascination.

"Finally, 15 minutes of international fame for Mel Lastman," said Toronto news reporter John Li, "and this time it's not just because he's being a boob."

While citizens of the world shared a rare global combination of shock, horror and excitement, ordinary Torontonians seemed unimpressed.

"Yeah, tell us something we didn't already know," Bay Street financier Reginald Lewis scoffed. Then he asked our reporter if he was kicked off his home planet.

"Duh!" was all Patricia Stanton, a Toronto Starbucks manager, had to say.

While the Mayor's office has yet to respond, Central Command on N'Hir Kawarzoi 38 was quick to issue a statement.

The statement was roughly translated by Canadian Space Agency scientists as reading, "While Mel Lastman may have been a resident of N'Hir Kawarzoi 38 previously, we are quite certain that he has not retained any citizenship privileges here. We believe Toronto is now his proper home, and should remain so."